My ramblings…

Well folks… christmas eve.. what can I say. Aside from the christmas dinner mother made for us, nothing special really happened. Or so it seemed. When my dad gave out the presents, I had my hands all oily from dinner, so dad helped me open it up. It was a metal chain from harley and my mum was standing on the other side of the living room telling me that the both of them didn’t know what I wanted for christmas, so they got me that. Personally, I didn’t quite like the chain at all. When I was done checking it out, both my parents were just done giving out the presents to my other brothers and girlfriends.

I raised my head to have a look at my parents… you know, give them a smile to let them know that you appreciate the gesture…. I saw the two of them standing there… and they were smiling at all of us… I lokked them right in the face. That’s when it dawned on me. The both of them seemed so old..

Time really flies.. and God forbid there was a time when I really hated both my parents. I’m using the word HATE. But, the things they did for me.. the times I put them through.. and for them to still come out smiling and doing this…. I really am ashamed at myself. I really am.

So to say nothing special really happened today.. well that’s not right. Everything was special today. From the breakfast to the dinner… the presents.. and most importantly for having such unbelievable faith in your son over all this time.

Everyday for the past 22 years was christmas. I just didn’t know it.

I haven’t really given you the definite answer you crave… I know. In time I will, but I can’t give you one now. I can’t say I love you because that will be a lie. Like would be a better word, but it sounds superficial. It really can’t be described in a single word…

When we were talking the other night, I looked you right in the eyes and I felt that I was looking back at myself. That would be how I would put it.

You know who you are.

Just had the dubious priviledge of being part of an interesting debate on the SIDM forums. For those who don’t know, SIDM stands for School of Interactive Digital Media. Usual complaints of DET students being not recognised by anyone, lousy equipment not up to the student’s standards, SIDM not giving its usual warm welcome to a new member of the family… Frankly speaking, I can’t really be bothered whether DET feels welcomed or not. We are all now under the same roof of SIDM. Get on with it. However, what really got to me was the attitude of some of these DETs. There was an "air" of expectance about them. A very disturbing trend among today’s youths, which I am sadly a part of. We demand everything be given to us. We don’t need to work for anything. Just give me everything I need, so I can get on with the rest of my fucking life comfortably. The world is my oyster and everybody owes me a living. When I graduate with a piece of paper, I EXPECT to get a good job with a good salary, buy a good car and house, marry a good wife and live a good life.

Nobody owes anyone a fucking living. You want your course to be recognised? You gotta produce the results first. You want better computers for your work? There is no way you are going to get it by complaining. Go out and do something. You want to live the rest of your generation y life comfortably? You’ve gotta fucking earn it.

Caught a movie for the first time in a long time since school started. Been busy this sem so far, but today I told myself, "Fuck this. I’m going for a show." Decided on Casino Royale, or James Bond for those not too sure… I was never a fan of the james bond franchise and I didn’t catch even one of the shows when pierce brosnan was james. However, I was quite intruiged when I saw the trailer for this one… rather dark and brooding… and Daniel Craig as a rather rough looking 007. Felt like what Batman Begins did for the batman series. So, I decided to take a chance on this one. I wasn’t disappointed. Without fucking up the show for those of you who haven’t caught it yet, all I can say is that this time round, 007 feels much more humane. Much more raw emotions and frailities. Casino Royale is more of a trial by fire of a double O. The last portion was particularly interesting when that someone died. So in other words, go catch it. On a concluding note, there was this scene near the middle, where Eva Green or "Vespa Lydnn" was in the toilet wrapped in towels, fresh from the bath. What really struck me is this. From her previous movies like Kingdom of Heaven, I never really saw her as someone that attractive. But in this scene, she just stood there in front of the mirror without any makeup on…. and she looked ravishing.

I’m a person that follows the heart rather than the head. When I feel like watching a movie alone, I watch a movie alone. Feel like going out to draw alone, I go out and draw alone. Don’t feel like answering that call, or replying that message, I don’t. Feel like I’ve gotta be with you, I will. Don’t care what other fucks think. If following the mainstream makes you feel in, then go ahead and have a ball. I’m out. Selfish, Arrogant, Irresponsible, Fucked but oooh sooo Passionate. Think its emo? Up to you. Knock your self out.

Friend of mine recently ran into relationship problems that tore him up real bad… not the first time seen someone collaspe for a girl.. the way some people put it, man can be real scum when it comes to relationships. Man have the power…. gender equality issues… Don’t really wanna go into the debate here, but here’s my low down. Man discovered fire.. conquered the skies with their planes.. even landing on the fucking moon. All this things were done by man on top of many others… we man are truly amazing. But of all the things we have done, of all the power we have in our hands, only one thing can make a man go down on his knees willingly. A woman. So some girls might one to think twice before they pull the combo on the kid. Scum cry too.

4 days into studio project 3 and I must say that this time round, games got the cherry on the cake. For now at least, I think… All we gotta do is come up with the art assets for our own game, and pass it over to the programmers to program. While they do that, we’ll just sit there waiting for troubleshooting and coming up with our product design and demo reel. Sweet. Only part I can’t take though is the need to sit 9hrs in front of the com daily. Just realised that some of my friends have already graduated from uni… it’s been awhile since I’ve talked to someone around my age.. I’ve always had to adapt to other people’s frequencies. I don’t mind, I’m quite adept at that. However, sometimes you just need to sit back and fuck around with people who have been through the life you have led so far. Navy days. Sun, sea, a tent, a group of friends, lotsa food and drinks, and no worries about tomorrow’s world. Just the here and now. If only we could live life by the day. That would be good…

As you can roughly summise from the entry title, I’m taking a brief 2 day holiday from work… cleared all my modules last friday. Had a meeting from 12 to 3, then class and work rush from 3 to 10 on thurs. Went home and I was feeling the heat from the datelines… so decided to rush again from 11pm to 5.45am friday morn. Overslept till 8am and rushed to school for work again from 9am to 10.30pm friday night. Do the math. 12+ hours in the mac lab doing 3d animation. F.U.C.K. One good news at least… I’m supposed to take my reservist IPPT by the end of this month, but the dateline has been mysteriously pushed back a year.. well, hooray for me.

Hopefully the fonts turn out big enough this time. Just realised that all my previous posts are typed out in very small fonts. My apologies. It’s 2348 hrs now… fucking tired after rushing assigments for almost the entire weekend. The only time I did get a break was on friday when I watched fast furious tokyo drift. Not bad, not bad. It’s too early to sleep and I’ll be fucked if I carry on further with any assignments. All of the games in my comp are old and my younger bro’s on the ps2 downstairs, so watching tv is out for now. Self-imposed solitary confinement in my room…

Due to incesscent queries of why I haven’t updated any of my blogs for such a long time, I have decided to take another shot at blogging… for now. I’m not gonna shy away from the facts. I’m a lazy bastard. Ok, maybe not a bastard, but lazy nonetheless.

Oooook. Since my last entry, the earth has turned many circles until a year has past. I’ve gone into the Games Development specialization, for those who don’t know. The downside of this specialization is that there are too many guys. Not good for me AND workload is staggering now. Studio project started 3 weeks earlier than the rest of DMD plus the rest of my assignments, except drawing, which I got a C anyway. Fuck. Late nights, fat belly, pale skin, fucked life… PLUS, reservist IPPT at the end of the month. What more could I ask for?

When this is all over I’m gonna take my dad’s 407 and drive around screaming. I’m gonna club, dance like a robot and drink like a fucking fish. Fuck off at the end of the day and sleep til afternoon. Sweet poetry… Oh! missed out something. I’ve gotta go to geylang man.. serious.

For the food. What were you thinking?